Sexual Harassment - What It Is, and Isn't

From various legal and dictionary definitions:

harassment - n. the act of systematic and/or continued unwanted and annoying actions of one party or a group, including threats and demands. To annoy persistently. Sexual harassment refers to persistent and unwanted sexual advances.  It is commonly understood as behavior that disturbs or upsets, and it is characteristically repetitive

For those with good English comprehension skills, the operative words are "persistent", "systematic", "continued" and "repetitive", all of which must be coupled with "unwanted".

That being said, harassment can only be claimed if the actions are unwanted, AND are of an ongoing, persistent or repetitive nature. Both parts - unwanted and repetitive - must be met in order for any act to be considered harassment.

But even that does not necessarily constitute harassment. In most instances, particularly for sexual harassment, in order for actions to constitute harassment, the harassed individual  has an obligation to make it known to the perpetrator that the actions are unwanted. Simply being unwanted is not enough - it must be communicated as being unwanted. In other words, if you do not inform the perpetrator that his or her actions are unwanted, then that person may fairly assume that their actions are not unwanted, and they may continue to act improperly. By not informing the perpetrator, you are giving permission by silent acceptance.

After all, if you expect someone to play by the rules, you have an obligation to inform him or her as to what those rules are. A man hitting on a woman in a persistent manner is normal, and not harassment, as long as she has not openly and clearly objected. Men have been taught for generations (by women, no less) that women are often taught to "play hard to get".

So, sexual harassment consists of three separate parts, each being a requirement:

1.  repetive or systematic actions, coupled with
2.  being unwanted actions and
3.  the "victim" has made it clear to the perpetrator that such actions are unwanted

If any of these three parts are missing, there is no harassment.

All  too often, a person falsely believes that they can legitimately claim sexual harassment even though they never expressed their discomfort to the person harassing them. But if a person does not set the perp straight, then they have no complaint if the perp continues. He likely believes you are just playing hard to get.

This can be highlighted by the the bogus "sexual harassment" claim against Dustin Hoffman, where the complainant actually said she "liked it - until I didn't". In other words, she allowed it for awhile, and even liked it, implying consent, which would naturally result in such actions continuing. By "liking it" and not complaining, she gave permission. She later stopped "liking it" and claimed harassment. Nowhere does she claim to have told him his actions were no longer appreciated nor wanted, so he had no way of knowing. And if she had told him, and telling him resulted in him stopping, then there still is no harassment - he stopped when asked to do so. It is only sexual harassment when the perpetrator continues unwanted actions after being told to stop.

That accuser accepted sexually explicit conduct without complaint, and only later grew to dislike it. That is not harassment. That is simply a case of giving permission for advances, then changing your mind without bothering to tell the other party you've changed your mind.

We must also remain aware of human nature - I suspect that at least half of all claims of harassment are either a result of "sour grapes", or vengeance, or from not having stood up and telling the perpetrator to stop. We have all heard the stories about a woman who makes false claims against a man simply because she was scorned. Or because it will get them a huge settlement, or 15 minutes of fame. Certainly, not all claims are false. But many are, so we should not automatically assume they are true. Remember the hooker who claimed rape in the Duke University case? She was proved to be a liar and the boys - whose lives were ruined - were innocent.

The take-way: in order to be considered sexual harassment, first there must be solid evidence (the premise of innocent until proved guilty still applies), and second, the actions had to be repetitive, unwanted, and the perp was made aware the actions are unwanted. Any claim that does not meet this standard is bogus.


Ladies, if someone makes sexual overtures toward you and they are unwanted, document it as best as you can, if only by immediately telling everyone. And be sure to stand up for yourself - tell him you are not interested, will never be interested and to stop, or there will be unpleasant ramifications. Then if he persists, take legal action. In no case should you be too afraid to stand up for yourself at the time of the offense.

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